as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
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