I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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