honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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