i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
