my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
