I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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