Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
