nut hugger
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
