I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
