Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We smell like vodka and hangover
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