Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
