I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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