M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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