This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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