her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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