I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
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I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
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He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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