I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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