I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
