I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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