I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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