He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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