I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
