I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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