In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Me too!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
