Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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