She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
