They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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