I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
