KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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