how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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