It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
