Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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