how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
