i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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