she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
