:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
