redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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