She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
