I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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