This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
