Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
