oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
