i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
