I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
