Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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