Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
