can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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