Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
