the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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