I want to stick my p in your. b.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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