I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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