I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
and you fell through a lawn chair
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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