I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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