I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
