hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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