that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
