if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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