Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
