I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
