You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
