Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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