I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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