What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
