Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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