I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
