OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
