Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
