arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
