all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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