I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
