i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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