Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
