I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
